You see a beautiful Chinese girl and almost instantaneously feel like falling for her. Her voice sounds like Beethoven’s Ode to Joy and her smile is so mesmerizing that you won’t mind even marrying her despite the lack of believing in the traditional marriage system. You try to initiate a conversation and seem to be getting a positive response. Everything looks great from your perspective. That’s great. Congratulations for feeling happy – in today’s crazy world not everyone is happy, isn’t it? I understand your situation, but that’s only your side of the story. How does she feel about you? How to know if a girl likes you, aka she is romantically interested in you? Isn’t it too fast to think about a relationship?
Well, in China, the culture is quite different from the West. The language is different and the ways of commutating feelings and opinions are often subtle and more indirect. Not everything is said directly – you’ll need to interpret them. Dating in China is indeed a different experience. Even for me it has all been a new learning adventure since I moved to Singapore for PhD – then to China for jobs and settled down in Suzhou. Over a period of time I’ve observed certain signals consistently thrown by Chinese women potentially indicating that they’re not into you.
- This blog-post is a part of my articles about Dating and Relationship in China.
Update – I’ve just covered comprehensive reviews of the Chinese dating market (WeChat, TanTan, mindsets) in my books available on Amazon, feel free to stop by:
- Online Dating in China (Paperback Edition),
- Kindle Edition (same book – Online Dating in China).
- Dating Chinese Women (Paperback Edition),
- Kindle Edition (same book – Dating Chinese Women ).
In this post I’m going to share with you a very important concept about dating and relationship in China- When and How to Move On! This is where most of the beginner and intermediate dudes seem to get stuck.
So, the aim of this post in not teaching you how to find a Chinese girlfriend. Rather, you’d learn how to filter out a girl not interested in you, let her go, move on and focus your energy on courting a woman who is indeed genuinely interested in you.
Here goes my list!
She doesn’t want to add you in WeChat
WeChat is an extremely popular messaging App in China. From the teenagers to men/women in the late 40s, everyone in China seems to have a WeChat account. Some of them even own multiple accounts. In fact, WeChat is so popular that when two Chinese people meet for the first time and decide to keep in touch, they exchange WeChat contact -not the phone numbers (WhatsApp, Facebook, etc. are anyways blocked in China). As such, WeChat dating and texting is now an integral part of life over here.
How to ask for WeChat – Nǐ yǒu wēixìn ma? 你有微信吗, Do you have WeChat?
Assuming that the girl you are interested in has a WeChat account, but she doesn’t want to add you -ever wondered why? Well, she is not interested to keep in touch with you! Don’t persist – you’ll have to respect her decision. Move on!
Personally, I never ask for a WeChat add when a girl shows no interest in a conversation or getting connected. However, if the conversation seems to be going well, most of the time I’d suggest an exchange of WeChat contact, and nearly 70% time I’d get them. As such, I never ask for WeChat second time.
She blocks/deletes you on WeChat
Even if you get connected on WeChat, some girls may block or delete you. Maybe you creeped her out? In any case, once blocked, you won’t be able to send her messages. And that’s what exactly she wants! How about moving on?
![Your friend has enabled Friend confirmation. [Send a friend request] to chat – the message indicates that you have been deleted from WeChat contact.](https://www.skmlifestyle.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/6_Your-friend-has-enabled-Friend-confirmation.-Send-a-friend-request-to-chat-–-the-message-indicates-that-you-have-been-deleted-from-WeChat-contact..jpg)
She comes in the same dress
Yes! Don’t be surprised. If a Chinese woman comes on a very first date in the same dress that she was wearing during your first meet up (e.g. at a coffee shop where you happened to meet randomly) -it’s a clear-cut indication that she just wants to make friends with you.
Another way for Chinese girls to show lack of romantic interests is to dress very casually for a date.
Frankly, walk in any Chinese cities, you’ll see hundreds of clothing outlets. Chinese women have a great dressing style and they have lots of dressing options. I always admire them for their amazing dressing sense.
Imagine, still a girl comes poorly dressed for a date. Why? She has no romantic interest in you -at least for the time being. Move on!
She pays the bill
When Chinese women pay your dinner/drinks bills (or send you the bill amount by WeChat) on the first/second date, she is not interested in you romantically.
I remember once inviting a girl for a dinner date, but she had some work in the evening and we agreed for a coffee.
During the meet up – I bought coffee for the two of us (RMB 18*2=36). After the coffee, she went back home and sent me a red packet worth RMB 18 – I didn’t open it. We did meet again (as I invited her), and this time as we finished dinner she rushed to the billing counter and paid the dinner bill – RMB 72. Anyways, later I sent her a red packet with RMB 72, and she didn’t open it – so the money was returned to me after 24 hrs.
Things fell apart in coming days. Now I have a better sense of what could have possibly transpired in her mind.
She replies your messages slowly
Well, if you are consistently receiving text message replies after a gap of several hours, just move on! Chinese people check WeChat notifications nearly every minute (if not every second) – still someone replies your text slowly? Well, how about pressing the NEXT button?
Also, if you are receiving “two” word answers, pull back!
She sends you photos of her husband/kids
I remember meeting a girl in Nanjing. She was travelling with her friend. I was travelling solo and had plans to visit new places. After a brief chat, we exchange WeChat contact and I left to visit Nanjing Massacre Memorial Hall – a very popular tourist attraction.
Soon after, I received very first message from her on WeChat – a photo, followed by a caption – “my son”. Within a couple of minutes, I got another photo – “my husband”. I just said – “okay”.
Why would she send me those pics? Well, it seems that Chinese women sometime send you such pics to let you know that she wants to keep the friendship, but nothing romantic is going to happen. Obviously, if someone has a boyfriend/husband, you should be moving on.
Also, I have seen quite a few Chinese girls coming for a date only to tell me that she already likes someone. “So why did you come for a date” – I’d often ask. They’d say – “Just to make friend. Friends can also date”.
So, before a meetup, it’d be worthwhile to confirm if she has someone already in mind.
She Spies on you!
If a girl asks you too much of personal information such as age, salary, passport number, full name, etc. – most likely she is looking for a serious relationship (which is okay). But if you wished to keep things casual, it’s ok to consider moving on.
She wants to bring her friend together on a date
This is a very common issue with Asian girls – you’ll invite them for a date and they want to bring friends (chaperon) along on a date.
I remember inviting a Chinese girl in 2012 for a date and she’d ask me if she could bring one of her friends along. I was very new to such situation and wondered – threesome in sight? 🙂
Around the same time, I was also in touch with another girl and when I invited her, she said – “I’ll bring my friends, you can also bring your friends. We’ll have fun together”. I was like – some group activity? 🙂
Those were the days when I was a beginner about dating scenarios in China.
Btw, why Asian girls often suggest bringing friends on a date could be a topic of another blog, but here are some of the common reasons-
- She is not confident about talking to a foreigner very first time,
- Not confident about her English language skills,
- Wants chaperon’s feedback about you,
- She is not interested in you.
I still find it weird and difficult to talk to two girls together on a date and wouldn’t agree about the chaperon.
Why would you complicate the situation when the obvious answer is you should have moved on?
She doesn’t tell you her relationship status
When I’m interested in someone, I’d invariably ask them about their relationship status before confirming a date. I have seen a good number of girls saying – “secret”. They just don’t wanna share their relationship status.
Imagine dating a girl who wanna ask your age, salary, company name, and everything else – but can’t share her relationship status with you. Welcome to dating in Asia!
She wants to improve her English
If her sole objective of meeting you is to practice English and there’s no romantic action in sight, I think it’s fine to move on.
Related post – TanTan (Chinese Tinder) Scams.
Racist and gold-diggers
Well, there is no issue if she likes only certain types of men, but if she gives an impression of anything that’s racist or confirms gold-digging tendencies, I’d seriously mind it. I like associating with people who are open to diverse culture and ideas.
Here is a message from a WeChat fake account – a typical gold-digging scam:
Childish or ultra-traditional
I remember meeting a girl for three times (first time for coffee, two times for meals). She was around 25 and was about to complete her masters in physics within a couple of months.
I suggested 4th meet up at my apartment for a meal together. She replied “I like eating at my university’s canteen”.
She was a traditional girl (which is none of my business) – it’s just that I took time to understand.
I didn’t say anything to her, just removed the contact from my WeChat. It was over!
Sex only after marriage
Of course, you’ll have to accept her decision. But to me, sex is part of a relationship. It’s fine if she needs more time. But if there is a precondition that sex would happen only after marriage – not my way. I’d move on and let her go.
How to move on?
Given that you have decided to move on and let her go, the issue is how to move on? Well, when I suggest moving on, I mean cut your contacts and focus on meeting other more suitable women. You can just remove a non-suitable person from your WeChat contact list.
I’ll have a detailed post coming up soon about how to have a solid WeChat dating game in China. For now, just keep in mind that if you have not posted anything in WeChat moments, you have disabled friend confirmation for messaging and have not blocked a contact on WeChat – such deleted person in all likelihood won’t understand about being deleted. Moreover, they can always get back to you by messaging despite being deleted from your account.
On a side note – Generally, the university students in China don’t seem to have much experience of dating and relationship. They are too busy with the heavily loaded university curriculum. Even the atmosphere is not supportive. For example, most of the students live in the dorms – 4 to 6 students in one room is a common trend. Often, there are restrictions on boys for entering the girls hostel (and vice versa).
From what I seem to learn from TanTan and WeChat dating – there are quite a few girls who are 26-27 and never had a boyfriend – and obviously never had sex. And the way they communicate, it seems that to them first time sex is still a big deal (are we in 2018?). Moreover, due to huge marriage pressure from the family members, these girls are not looking for boyfriends, they are looking for husbands. So basically, they get married without having dated even one guy! They may have a poor understanding of contraceptive and birth control. Some of them get pregnant within 1 year or so. And the cycle continues with the new generation.
Well, indeed dating in China could have been simpler. But then, we have to live with the reality. The mindset is of course changing, but the culture is here to stay!
That’s all in this post about dating Chinese women.
Have you dated an Asian girl before? Wanna share? Do let me know in the comments or post in our forum.
Also, if you have any question about online dating and relationships in China, feel free to post in our forum so that others could also contribute and learn. For regular updates like us on Facebook, or follow on Twitter!
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Wish you a great time dating in China, Asia and elsewhere!
Cheers!
Last updated: Saturday, June 6, 2020